The Beginning...

A year ago this Friday, I awoke abruptly at 5 AM, which is far from my normal wake-up time. This would normally not bother me. As those close to me know, I can fall asleep again before I ever really comprehend what time it is. I consider it one of my most beneficial talents. However, this morning was different than most. I was met with the anxious energy that is usually associated with moments such as: remembering you have a paper due, or you left the iron on, or you forgot a close friend’s birthday. The great thing about morning is that it is the only time of day that offers the true, uninhibited clarity that gets lost amidst the interactions and hours of thought of any given day. I would not be going back to sleep that morning.

Only a few times in my life have I been able to pinpoint the cause of my stress as easily as I was able to that morning. I saw my life playing out in a sequential order. It was similar to watching a line of dominos fall onto each other. It was too predictable. It was too uniformed. It was too ordinary. I immediately remembered a promise I made to myself back in college. I would uproot and challenge myself to make it in a new environment, and rather than visit and look at it from the outside, I would learn to interact with this foreign culture, wherever it may be. Most of all, I promised myself that I would not follow the routine--the one that says, “Be patient. Stay the course. What needs to happen will happen in due time.” There is some wisdom to this line of thought, but it can also be an excuse to remain comfortable.

For years I had been telling people that I planned on teaching abroad one day. One of the great things about sharing plans with others is that they will remind you of them. Once you declare something you only have two options: Make it happen, or make an excuse. So there I was, laying in bed, asking myself if I was going to make it happen or… I looked at my life as objectively as I could, and I asked myself if I was happy. I can honestly say I was. I loved my job and my students. I had amazing friends. I loved Seattle. I loved being close enough to my family that I could drive home for the weekend on a whim. But I saw the dominos, and they scared the hell out of me. I got out of bed and went about making it happen.

I looked up the next international job fair. I had missed the deadline, but thought I would call and see if they could make an exception. They told me that if I registered and got everything in by the end of the day, they would allow me to attend. I spent the following weekend at a friend's cabin wrestling with the idea of leaving. A week later I was in Boston. 3 days later I was signing a paper that would send me to Scotland for the next 2 years. I have been living here for 6 months now. Yesterday it struck me that this is home.